Dark Star Bomb number 20 detonates in the bomb bay, killing everybody
on board the Dark Star. Not that any of you have ever, or will ever see this movie. It just has a great ending to spoil. Marcus Alexander Hart
The Deer Hunter
Steven has both legs and an arm amputated. Michael goes back
to Vietnam to find Nick but when he does he finds that Nick is
brainwashed on drugs and he challenges Nick to a game of russian
rolluete to make him remember but Nick loses and kills himself by
shooting himself in the head.
Mariachi's (Antonio Banderas) real name is Benito. He doesn't
learn until too late, but the villian Bucho (Jueaquim de Almeida) who he
has been chasing all this time is actually his brother Ciccero, who his
father disowned. Ciccero points out that Carolina (Salma Hayek) is now
the woman he love, but seeks revenge of his own by attempting to kill
her. Benito reacts and kills Ciccero and his men. Benito and Carolina
ride into the sunset in a stolen jeep with the guitar case full of
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
Detective Fowler (William Forsythe) isn't after Antione (Oded
Fehr) because of his job, but because his wife Elaine is a customer.
Deuce convinces Fowler that she isn't turning away from him because of
his sexual inadequecy, but because he doesn't appreciate her. In an
attempt to show her that he still loves her, He convinces Deuce to join
him in a double strip-tease for her. Afterwords, Fowler tells Deuce that
he has to take someone down for this, but Deuce refuses to turn in T.J.
(Eddie Griffin) and takes the fall himself. However, all his customers
show up at the trial and reveal that he never had sex with any of them.
He is let off the hook and patches things up with his girlfriend Kate
(Arija Bareikis). Then, everyone pitches in and helps Deuce repair the
tank before Antione gets home. Antione is okay with everything until he
touches the tank and it breaks. He goes into a rage and attacks Deuce,
but is arrested and sent to jail. Deuce and Kate stay together and form and anti-sushi resteraunt movement.
Bartleby (Ben Afflek) and Loki (Matt Damon) make it to the
cathedral and kill all present. Loki cuts off his wings, becoming human,
but Bartleby leaves his on, killing more bystanders. Bethany (Linda
Fiorentino) arrives too late with Jay and Silent Bob (Lason Mewes and
Kevin Smith), Rufus (Chris Rock), and Serendipity (Salma Hayek). Loki
realises that he has done wrong and attempts to correct himself, but
Bartleby kills him for "losing the faith". Suddenly, Bethany realises
that Joh Doe Jersey (The homeless man beaten into a coma at the start of
the film) is actually God in human form. God has been missing because
his human body is in a coma. Bethany runs to the hospital to find him.
Meanwhile, Jay takes a machine gun from a dead member of the SWAT team
and shotts Bartleby. Bartleby ducks, and the bullets destroy his wings,
making him human. Bartleby is now free to enter the church, be obsolved
of all sins, kill himself, and enter heaven (Thus defying God in a way
he cannot prevent and thus destroying all reality in the process.) But
Bethany makes it to the hospital and pulls John's plug, killing him. God
is now free and can stop Bartleby. God comes to earth in true form
(Allanis Morrisette) accompanied by Metatron (Alan Rickman). God kills
Bartleby and saves the world. But the power of John's death kills
Bethany. Silent Bob brings her body to God who heals her, making her
pregnant in the process. God, Metatron, Rufus, and Serendipity all
return to heaven and Bethany is left stuck with Jay and Silent Bob and
nothing to do. As the movie ends, Jay tells Silent Bob that they should
go to "Quick Stop" (The store from "Clerks").
The Doomsday Machine is a super-computer that is wired into
all the buried nuclear weapons in Russian. If one is detonated, then the
machine detonates all the rest, setting off a nuclear chain reaction
that will devestate earth for 100 years. The machine is also programmed
to go off if any part of Russia is nuked by an outside force. General
Ripper has also programmed the nuclear bomb carrying planes he has sent
to bomb the Ruskies with a special code. Their radio's will not pick up
any signals unless said signals are preceeded by a three-letter code.
Mandrake (Peter Sellers) discovers the code is "O.P.E" and tells this to
President Muffly (Also played by Peter Sellers). The call-back signal is
sent to all but one plane, who's radio was damaged by an enemy plane.
However, the bomb release was also damaged, and the planes capt., Major
Kong (Slim Pickin's), goes to fix it himself. In the attempt, he falls
out of the plane with the nuke. Apparently trying to enjoy his!
last moments of life, he rides the nuke all the way down, hootin' and
hollerin' like a cowboy on a bull. The bomb sets of the doomsday
machine. At the war room in the Pentagon, Dr. Strangelove (Once again
played by Peter Sellers) tells Muffly that the American's would be able
to survive if thousands of them moved into tunnels deep underground. He
says that the earth could be repopulated after 100 years if those sent
underground were rationed out by a ratio of Three women to every one
man. General Turgidson (George C. Scott) likes this idea very much, but
warns the president that the Russians may try to invade the American
tunnels in an attempt to repopulate the world with Russians, and thus be
the dominent race. During this warning, Ambassador de Sadesky (Peter
Bull) takes several photographs of the War Room with a secret hidden
camera. Dr. Strangelove seems to have a plan, but cannot reveal it
because he grows too excited when he learns that he can still walk. As
the Americans work things out in the pentagon, the Russian nukes decimate the earths surface.
Sly stallon's character comes out of retirement, helps young driver find his way, at end helps young driver beat the "bad" guy in the final race.
Dude, Where's My Car?
What can you say about a movie where the opening sequence features "Stuttering John" Mendez (a.k.a. Howard Stern's perennial intern/"shock" interviewer?) After we
witness "Stuttering John" exit a closet door to relieve himself in
what-appears-to-be a variety of house plants, we meet two young male
slackers who are just waking up after an evening of forgotten
adventures. Once awake, they discover that their automobile is somehow,
"missing." Thus, title of movie: "DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR?" In an all out
effort to discover the where-abouts of said automobile, our
slacker-dudes find themselves being pursued by a variety of characters
to include: "space aliens, trans-sexuals, and other various and sundry
Southern California types." They borrow a car, in search of their own,
and find themselves sharing a red light with none other than "Fabio."
Fabio is in a red convertible with a beautiful model. The slacker-dudes
take immediate notice. Fabio, in an attempt to "show off" for the boys,
puts his arms around the girl and gives her a little kiss. Not to be
outdone, our young slacker-dude heroes begin to make out with each other
in a wild and passionate series of intense tongue kisses. Fabio becomes
"strangely un-nerved" and drives away in a huff. Later our slacker-dude
buddies find themselves being attacked by savage ostriches. As it turns
out, the slacker-dudes have in their possession (unbeknownst to them)
some kind of gizmo that is the "key to the universe." This
"thing-a-ma-jig" looks very much like a "Rubik's Cube," that one of the
slackers has been trying to figure out ever since he found the thing in
his pocket. One thing leads to another, and before the denouement
(where once again we witness "Stuttering John" Mendez taking a whiz in
the potted plants) our goofy slacker buds have somehow inadvertently
"saved the universe." All ends well when the "space aliens" reward the slackers by giving each of their "girlfriends" a very special birthday
present. The audence watches in total amazement as two teen-age girls
go from size 'A' cups to double 'D's right before our very eyes. Note: The boys are reunited with their car by the end of the film, but somehow
none of that really matters anymore.
Loren Richard Klahs